A trial of patience, a challenge of thoughts and emotions.
Getting out of the house with Paisley was a challenge for me because all I saw outside were threats. Threats that come in looks and glances and in the society of today, staring! I doubt very much that parents teach their children the old-fashioned skill that came with the sentence ‘it is considered rude to stare’. For me, because I had witnessed so much, if someone was staring at me, there was a very real likelihood that verbal and or a degree of violence was coming with it, especially in areas like Iraq and Afghanistan. Further to this, if the individual doing the staring had a mobile phone attached to their ear, there was an exceptionally high chance that violence was incoming. After extended exposure to those environments, you can understand why soldiers are the way that they are. As a veteran, I found myself able to easily relate to a civilian I met who was from London, he kept looking over his shoulder, he wasn’t particularly looking for anyone, it was a force of habit that he had gotten into throughout his years of living in London, a behaviour that had become autonomous, for his own self-preservation.
It took a BRAVEHOUND dog trainer a sizeable number of training sessions before I could leave the house. I had fallen into the thought processes that came with ‘no matter what, trouble finds me’. Everywhere I go, trouble finds me. Not true though, it’s all part of the thought process that PTSD causes, when in fact, because you are looking out for an incident to occur, an incident is more likely to occur, especially when you are stressed.
Paisley had found my anxiety and from the outset, she knew. It is fair to say that dogs sense these things. I also believe that she knew that the stress and subsequent anxiety were working at high levels and that these were indeed the cause of the daily headaches. It took a lot of practical practises to get over the physical and emotional walls. Even to this day, it is far better for me to extract and not get involved, and Paisley helps with that in every aspect. Leading me out of ASDA and out of Sports Direct are two examples where Paisley knew what I was experiencing, I was looking for my exits, I was analysing potential threats, and I was clocking atmospherics. Sports Direct can be a mass of tight aisles at the best of times, Paisley knew, and she led me out. In other incidents, where Paisley is wearing her blue jacket, it clearly says, ‘DO NOT DISTRACT’ and people try to distract her! That is where I can become triggered, then verbal, and it escalates. When you never wanted the attention, when you want others to mind their own business, and to leave me alone. This is why I prefer to do these outside chores at exceptionally quiet times.
Paisley had been taught a few skills by BRAVEHOUND to help combat those types of scenarios, the skills were a huge improvement and helped me to be able to focus on Paisley rather than being forced to have to focus on unwanted attention. That was when I could concentrate on Paisley, and she could focus on me. Getting out of the house is far easier now, when it is first thing in the morning and there are far fewer people about, it is far easier for me.
I can focus on Paisley, she can focus on me and everything else is ‘not my monkey, not my circus’. Being left alone is far easier than getting involved in something you didn’t want to get involved with.